just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
