You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
