The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
