You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Randomize
