So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
