she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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