everyone is single if you try hard enough
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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