is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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