Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Randomize
