You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
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