i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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