i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
