i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
