Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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