Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Randomize
