but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
