I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
