She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
