i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
