And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
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