i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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