Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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