I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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