By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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