I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
