4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
