dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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