Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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