i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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