oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
