He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
