apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
