I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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