Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
