why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
