My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
