I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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