It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I think your dad took our porno
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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