Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
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