Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Randomize
