it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
