I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
