someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
