Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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