i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
