as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
