Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Randomize
