haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
