So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
