Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
