If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
