Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
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