i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
