he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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